The Milk Gag
by Failure007
Summary: ....I'd think the title says it all.


Chanticleer and the Elric brothers had just come back from one of Mustang's joy trips and discovered that everyone at Yoyo manor was camping out in the backyard. Sleeping gear had been laid out and Lame was chasing Dixie trying to get his pillow back. The twins had dug out a hole for a fireplace and Ren, Mark and Steve were looking around for rocks to put around it.

"This sounds awesome! Come on, brother, let's stay here tonight!"

"Heck, why not?"

It wasn't near dark yet so lighting the fire was pointless but the group played a few simple games while waiting for the sun to get tired.

A game Ren suggested was a big hit, Upset the Apple Cart. It was kind've a really messed up game of musical chairs. Even though he wasn't sure how this would end up even Gox motioned to play. You set chairs up in a circle, with one less chair than people and the odd man out stands in the middle. Four fruit names were decided and assigned to the players, the person in the middle then calls out (example) "Apple!" and all the people assigned as apples get up and try to find a different seat before getting stuck as being 'it.' If the middle person yells, "Upset the apple cart!" Everyone has to move. Ed was in such a big huff not to be 'it' he fell over the chairs three times! After playing for nearly twenty minutes everybody was sweaty and in serious need of catching their breath. Chanticleer suggested and equally fun game but more subtle.

He called it Assassin. The players sit in a circle and draw a piece of paper, all but one of them is blank. The one with an 'X' means you're the assassin. The object is to scan around the group, regardless if you're not the assassin and try to figure out who **_is_**. If you are the assassin then if you make eye contact you wink at them, without being noticed. After counting to three the person you winked at says, "I'm dead." And they're out. If you think you know who the assassin is then you can guess, if you're wrong then you're 'dead.'

A little thirsty after the games Ed and Chanty went inside to get drinks for everyone.

"D'ya think they'll prefer pitchers of milk and lemonade or lemonade and water?" The Dawn asked.

"Which ever one doesn't involve that unholy ivory liquid."

Chanticleer stared at him. "Are you kidding?! Milk is Heavens liquid! How do you think **_I_** got so tall? Growing up that was pretty much the only thing I drank."

"Well good for you. You couldn't make me drink that stuff if I had a bottle of it jammed down my throat."

The Dawn alchemist thought The Fullmetal was completely crazy but got the drinks and went back outside with Edward carrying the cups anyway. After a few more rounds of Assassin Chanticleers shoulder devil was whispering a few **really** nasty ideas but they sounded pretty good. Looking completely calm (though it took some effort) he motioned for Ed to come inside with him. Once in the kitchen he grabbed two large bottles in the fridge and a light flashed to show he'd transmuted the liquid.

"You ever been drunk?"

The question was entirely out of the blue but Ed answered honestly that he had had a few drinks in the past but not enough to get seriously intoxicated. "Why?"

"Think you can out-drink me?"

"You're asking me to play a drinking game?"

"I can hold my own, can you?"

"Now that sounds like a challenge. I accept. But wait…do you think we should with everybody just outside? Getting a buzz with a six year old on the same premise seems a bit irresponsible."

"Dixie will probably be the first to go to sleep anyway."

"Ok then. But what made you think about doing this anyway?"

"Why not?"

"Sounds good enough. You got any shot glasses?"

**_Sixty-eight shots later_**…

Ed was swelling with pride and satisfaction and it wasn't from the shots. He thought that after a few he'd feel dizzy and either be seeing double but he wasn't feeling anything unusual.

Chanticleer on the other hand looked like he was about to be sick. Ed grinned. _Hold his own my foot. His eyes glazed over after ten shots_.

"Why dont you just admit defeat? You look like you're about to pass out."

"I'm nmot givming up umtil you're owmn the fwoor unconscious."

He took another shot and tilted his head back a little too far and nearly fell backwards in his chair.

_**Ten shots later…**_

"Seriously, Chanty. You really need to stop. Face it, I've won."

"Believe me, you haven't." Chanticleer lifted his head off the table and stood up, not showing any signs of drunken lameness either. "I've gotten you beat by a country mile that is as wide as it is long."

"Huh? How could you have beaten me and why don't you look sick anymore?"

"The sick look was all an act. This whole thing was just for my own personal entertainment."

The Fullmetal wasn't liking the tone his friend was expressing. "_What_ are you talking about?"

"Those bottles weren't filled with alcohol. Mine was just water, yours was…hold on." The Dawn scurried over to the front door and opened it. with only his left hand inside the building he touched the wall, forming a transmutation circle. A matching circle showed up on the empty bottle Ed had been drinking from. The label had changed. He turned it around and nearly keeled over dead when he was greeted by the smiling face of….

………….

………….

………….

………….

………….a cow.

His eyes nearly burned inside his head with inner rage. He looked up with such a sweltering stare that anyone that made eye contact would've been burned to a crisp instantly. Chanticleer was spared the stare that would have sent him to KFC in a heartbeat because he had already on his way to tall timber.

Edwards raging fury lit the campfire as he ran past trying to find and get his hands around the throat of what he considered to be a…..

Chibi me- HEY! No fowl language! ….wait. I spelled that wrong, _foul_ language.

Me - Chill, I don't use those words.

He didn't find Chanticleer until four days later and didn't kill him but The Dawn did have a goose egg the size of a goose egg on his head for quite a while after that. Since Ed wouldn't ever admit he drank what he had vowed never to drink even though it wasn't on purpose no body else knew about it. With the promise of having his tail feathers ripped out and six more goose eggs being planted on his head Chanticleer didn't tell anyone either.

But he did have the pleasure of nearly severing Ed's nerves by sneaking up behind him once and a while and saying….

"Moo!"

Chibi me – Seriously, this time you've got yourself beat. **_Seventy-eight shots of milk!!_**! You're gonna need the secret service to be watching your back 24/7 from now on. There's no way Ed's going to take that lightly.

Me- That's why I've made a few modifications to that cage I got for you. I've enlarged it, locked myself in it and it can only be opened from the inside. Not only can nothing inside get out but nothing outside can get in! So I'm gonna try to write the final Rising Dawn from in here and try to ignore the banging of a certain ticked off alchemist outside.


End file.
